Also, Dr. L said that I do have an omega option - if I don't get pregnant, I can have both ovaries removed and the endo won't come back. So I don't have to spend the rest of my life getting surgery every five years to preserve organs that don't work.
It gives me an interesting dilemma for the next year - do I travel back to being what I can't stand being, someone who takes a positive and hopeful attitude toward every month's opportunity to ttc? Or do I descend into the depths of bitterness and refuse even to seriously acknowledge the one-year window that has a greater likelihood than we've ever had previously, and just wait it out so I can schedule the removal of my ovaries?
It briefly occurred to me that I can cut the Gordian knot by choosing neither option - and simply giving the matter wholly up to God, being a decent sport about ttc (as we always are anyway), but not becoming invested, and just figuring that He'll pick the option He wants and I'll know when it happens. Look at that - an opportunity for the true Gelassenheit that I haven't had in ever so long. I may be able to pull that off - especially as it would be aided by the fact that I really don't know which attitude I prefer (hope or fatalism), nor which outcome. Or I may not.
So I will take all this under consideration.
Also, please pray for my dh, if you would. He is having a very bad October.
