So this morning I was searching for my Blackberry (it was piled in the blankets - where else?), and noticed the unused bottle of tamoxifen in my drawer. (I filled the prescription just before I realized how much I hated tamoxifen and how sick I was of being in pain, and refused to take any more, and scheduled surgery.) I called and left a message for the RE formerly known as Dr. L on the way to work, letting her know why she hadn't seen any bloodwork from me (because when the heck is peak day lately? Seriously!) and asking whether I should take the tamoxifen. Since today is CD3.
Her nurse called back and said yes. (So this poll doesn't have to be, "Should I take medicine contrary to/in the absence of medical advice?")
I have been practically hemorrhaging all day today. I won't go into further detail, but it has been dramatic. Last cycle was very light, but the one before that was similarly insanely dramatic. (I know your infertile brains. You're thinking, "Last cycle wasn't a cycle at all. You didn't menstruate because you're pregnant, and now you're miscarrying! And that explains your short cycles too!" Well, ha ha on you. I saw this madness coming, and after last cycle started (counting such that it would have been more than 28 days since the previous cycle started), I took an HPT for the first time in years. The resounding no was kind of a comfort - like I knew that I might be tempted to second-guess later, and I was restoring my faith in my lifetime utter lack of pregnancy.)
And I have had enough hemorrhaging, and this with the shortening cycles, it has to stop. (Unless they do actually cease altogether, which would be fine.) The tamoxifen might fix that, if it's a hormone problem.
On the other hand, I have a bone to pick with the tamoxifen. Dr. L told me before I took it that it would make my endo worse and I would probably be in pain. She did not say it could cause hydrosalpinx in my one good tube. (The other already had - you guessed it - hydrosalpinx, caused by the endo.) Maybe this should have been obvious to me. I can be dense. But I am not a doctor. And I am sure she didn't say it, because if she had, I would have told her where she could put her tamoxifen. A girl only gets issued so many fallopian tubes.
By the way, the left tube was lovely and clear during my HSG in March/April or whenever. And, sure enough, during surgery - hydrosalpinx in the left tube. Probably due to the tamoxifen, she said. (You tell me this now...) It might get better after surgery, she said. And I might grow pink fluffy wings! So (and do not ask me why I have not mentioned this before, it's sort of relevant), I think I'm permanently dead in the water, fertility-wise. I guess we don't need an SA any more :). My husband is sort of relieved - about the possibility of total infertility, not avoiding the SA. I think it will bring both of us peace, although I think my doctor might be an idiot. (If you're reading this, sometimes I vent, and use excessive language. This - is not one of those times.)
Anyway, the tamoxifen might make my cycles normal. Or it might start taking out other tubular organs, like my intestines. (Oh - too late!) My blood vessels. Maybe my spinal cord. Also, I'm angry with the tamoxifen, and might prefer not to take any ever again, just as revenge.
What do you think? (Especially you, TCIE, since you are apparently a medium to my reproductive organs.)
I promise, the interactive family room/library post, complete with many pictures and very little discussion of menstrual bleeding, is coming.
