life

So there are only two female attorneys in my office (it's a small office though). My colleague has been mentioning ttc for about a year, but she and her hubbie weren't very focused about it. Since her mom just died, they've been charting, I think - for two months. She let me know today that she's going to get her second blood test - she's had two positive HPTs. Without revealing all the sources of my extensive information, I was able to tell her confidently that with two BFPs, unless she was on HCG, she doesn't really need that second blood test. (She's 5.5 weeks along.) So that's...something...

It's not like I'm getting pregnant in 2010. If I did, having both gals expecting would be sort of weird in the office, but I guess that was always possible, given that I knew she was trying. (And always more likely in her case. I know these things...) I'm not upset, I guess. In fact, I was excited for her. It's always mixed, of course, and I know there are days it may be hard to listen to things. But I have an office with a door :).

And I know she's really worried about her weight, even about preeclampsia or however you spell it? She's concerned that she won't have an opportunity to get to a healthy weight now and she really wanted to. As always, there are always difficulties all around.

She also mentioned her concern that she didn't have enough leave saved up, and had just spent a lot over Christmas. And I realized that for the first time - because I've been saving my leave for years, thinking of maternity leave - I still want to bankroll enough to have some saved each year (I think this way with everything), but I don't want to save it all. I want to spend it. I'm looking forward to going to Vienna (Austria, not Virginia) with my husband and some friends in May. I'm looking forward to spending some time at the monastery in the summer, with my husband's family. I'm looking forward to next Christmas (already!). I'm looking forward to getting to take a day or two off when my mother visits in the spring (I hope).

I don't need to save every penny and hour for an elusive future. I'm going to have a happy life. Or else.